


Help Me Hold Onto You

by dls



Category: The Witcher (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Episode Fix-It: s01e06 Rare Species, Fix-It, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Has Feelings, M/M, Post-Episode: S01E06 Rare Species, Translation Available
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:28:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22409482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dls/pseuds/dls
Summary: On his way down the mountain, Geralt has a few realizations and is determined to go after Jaskier to fix what he has broken. Thankfully, he doesn't have to go far.Or: Roach is the best horse and saves the day.[Translated intoRussianby Psoj_i_Sysoj.]
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 80
Kudos: 2179
Collections: Geralt is Sorry





	Help Me Hold Onto You

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to LadyVader and Arboreal for giving it a glance.
> 
> References/Quotes:   
>  Title from "The Archer" by Taylor Swift.   
>  _The Witcher_.

Logically, Geralt knows that the distance ascending to the dragon's cave is approximately the same as the trip down. It makes little sense that each step feels like ten and every minute stretches to an hour, even though the sun has barely shifted above. If anything, the journey should feel shorter, with the gentle downward slope being less taxing for the body. 

Or so Jaskier alleged, prattling on about his tired legs and how much more he was looking forward to their descent, as they climbed.

Rocks crunch beneath his boots and Geralt kicks a bigger piece off into the bushes with more force than necessary. Witchers do not have feelings, this hollowness in his chest must be a lingering ache from the battle. 

Nothing a hot bath and good night's rest can't fix, as Jaskier likes to say, arguing for lodging at an inn instead of camping in the fields, peering up at Geralt with eyes bluer than the midday sky of summer. 

"Fuck." The bard is annoyingly present even in his absence, _especially_ in his absence. 

Somehow, Jaskier has altered his carefully and strictly constructed world without drawing notice. Where silence was once the norm, it feels unsettling now. Like a man having a bite of cake after only knowing bread his entire life, his palate forever altered, craving the sweeter things in life. The quiet is now a gaping void Geralt doesn't know how to begin to fill and cannot seem to stop from spreading, a strange kind of hunger that gnaws at his insides.

A wave of irrational anger washes over him, temper flaring and seeking an outlet and finding none but himself. 

The only one who should bear the blame. 

Much like his reckless wish to the Djinn to keep, but ultimately lose, Yennefer and his Child Surprise waiting in Cintra. 

"Fuck." He swears again, quieter this time and directed at himself. 

Jaskier didn't deserve those harsh words and he wasn't responsible for the pile of shit Geralt's life has become. If anything, the bard has tried to remove the stink with his flowery ballads with a surprisingly amount of success. Nowadays, more townsfolk call him White Wolf and when he steps into a tavern, he's met with glares at his back instead of daggers. 

And how has Geralt repaid him? 

Criticism and insults and threats. 

At least he hasn't hit Jaskier again, not since that first day on the dirt road, driving his fist into the bard's unprotected gut. 

Gods, if the only positive thing Geralt can claim from their friendship is that he hasn't hit Jaskier again...that tells the whole story, doesn't it? 

Even as a creature devoid of emotions, Geralt knows that it is unacceptable, _despicable_ , to treat a beloved this way. _Beloved_. His knee buckles under the weight of his realization and he barely catches himself from stumbling. "Fuck." 

When did this happen? How did this happen?

So focused was he on Yennefer, the unattainable sorceress who wants everything from the world and nothing to do with him, that he didn't notice destiny had already given him what he needs. It wasn't defiance that made him turn away from what was in front of him. It was cowardice. Better to chase after someone he cannot have and therefore cannot lose than to walk beside the one he wants and will mourn.

Except, there is a void where his heart used to be and he feels as though he may never be whole again. A walking corpse, cursed with regret and haunted by guilt, until he can find his absolution and make his amends.

Destiny, for once, seems to be in his favor.

A familiar voice drifts toward him on the light breeze.

"I really must get going, girl." 

_Jaskier._

Geralt hurries toward the bend where he had secured Roach, where he can hear Jaskier's speaking softly.

"I know, I know. I'll miss you too, darling, but he's in quite a mood and I fear seeing me with you will only make it worse. You remember, surely." He pitches his voice low. "Don't touch Roach." He chuckles, a sound far too fond and tinged with nostalgia following what had transpired earlier that day.

It roots Geralt to the spot, stunned and, with a hint of shame, craving more.

Jaskier, with his back to Geralt, prattles on obliviously as he strokes Roach's mane. "I'll bring you some pears next time, I know you prefer them over apples. They should be still be in season three months from now, think that'll be enough time for Geralt to get over his tantrum?"

Geralt scowls and feels inordinately pleased when Roach stomps her front hooves.

"Okay, okay. Badly worded. Heartbreak, then. I know a thing or two about that..." Jaskier trails off.

Roach gently bumps him with her nose.

"Oh! Thanks, girl. Maudlin isn't a good look on me, hm? As I was saying, three months and I'll see you again. Or should I give it a bit longer? He did seem terribly hurt when I spoke to him. Terribly loud, too. And terribly rude." He sighs. "That's what happens when the anger does the talking, I suppose. He'll kick himself once he gets his head on right again."

It's terrifying and overwhelming. How well Jaskier knows him, hearing what Geralt doesn't say - _doesn't know how to say_ \- in between what he does. But the thing is, one can't be known and not know in return. And Geralt knows he's hurt Jaskier with his outburst. It's in the way the bard fell quiet, like he had done when he took an arrow to the shoulder. Jaskier will complain and whine when the pain is trivial, a papercut or a comment about _pie with no filling_ , but he grits his teeth and clenches his jaw when it is serious.

_Right. Uh Right, then. I'll- I'll go get the rest of the story from the others. See you around, Geralt._

Geralt remembers the stilted cadence and timid tone, so unlike the bard's usual cascade of words and brimming confidence. And yet, even with wounds on his spirit, Jaskier still wished to sing of his deeds and left the door between the two of them open instead of slamming it shut.

All Geralt has to do is walk through it and Jaskier will welcome him with open arms, a pattern that they've developed over the years and one that Geralt wants to break. So they can rebuild it into something better, something more balanced, something worthy of the devotion Jaskier has gifted him.

"I admit, it was bad timing on my part. Should know better than to talk to him right away. Caught me by surprise, really, he's usually all bark-"

Geralt steps forward and clears his throat.

"Shit! Geralt! Um. This isn't what it looks like." Jaskier jumps and is only saved from falling on his ass by Roach's teeth, clenched around the strap of his lute case. 

So that's how she was able to prevent him from leaving, Geralt thinks approvingly and makes a mental note to buy her a dozen of carrots. And a dozen of pears.

"It looks like my horse has developed a taste for leather." 

"Oh. Well. Then it is exactly what it looks like." Jaskier shuffles his feet. "I honestly don't know what came over her-" He cuts himself off when Geralt moves closer, still gripping onto his lute case tightly. 

"Good girl." Geralt nods at his horse and smooths her mane, stalling for more time. He's at a loss as to how to proceed. Though he knows he has Jaskier's forgiveness, an apology - _and many more_ \- is still warranted. Only they are as foreign to him as kindness from strangers, and the only one to show him any hadn't received much in return. "Good Jaskier." 

Jaskier blinks. "What?" 

Heat floods his cheeks but Geralt repeats the same words. "Good Jaskier." 

Roach snorts and lets go of the strap when Geralt reaches for it with a pitying look in her too-knowing eyes. 

"Did you, er, hit your head? Are you alright?" 

"Better now." Geralt clears his throat and offers the lute case to Jaskier. "With you." 

Jaskier accepts it with a frown, head tilted with worry. "Geralt-" 

"I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it, any of it." It takes an inordinate amount of effort to grit out the words with his heart thudding slow and thunderous in his ears. 

"...are you sure you didn't hit your head?" Jaskier asks, brows still furrowed but the tension in his shoulders is gone and there is a faint smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Maybe we should find a healer, someone to check you over."

Humming, Geralt unties Roach's reins, an answering curve on his lips at Jaskier's use of _we_ that deepens when the bard falls into step next him.

"Or maybe not, I kind of like this more communicative version of you." Jaskier nudges his flank with an elbow.

Geralt wants to do more - _be more_ \- of what Jaskier likes. "You are the only blessing life has granted me." He says, in a rushed whisper that's reserved when one is confessing his greatest truth.

Jaskier stares at him for a beat, assessing and affectionate, before leaning in to brush a kiss against Geralt's stubbled cheek. "I know." Geralt can feel the bard's smirk. "But it's nice to know that you know as well. And to hear it, too."

"Then I'll endeavor to tell you every day." Geralt promises and turns to taste the joy of Jaskier's grin.

**Author's Note:**

> [dls-ao3.tumblr.com/](https://dls-ao3.tumblr.com/)


End file.
